For those of you who read my last post and have been following my journey, you know that I had a lumpectomy on April 21st to remove the cancer and get clear margins. A week later I received the pathology results and unfortunately this race is not over yet. I said in my last post that I’ve learned that I can’t plan past whatever is “next” and that proved to be true. I was told that they still didn’t get clear margins, my doctor’s words were “this is so disappointing”. Again my doctor gave me the option of another lumpectomy or a mastectomy. She said she would do whatever I am comfortable with. I learned that the cancer is still in the milk ducts but for whatever reason, it’s not showing up on a mammogram. Also after testing from the radiation oncologist, my doctor reminded me that radiation would not stop my cancer from growing; surgery is the only way to remove it. Even though I had a choice, it was clear that a mastectomy was my best choice and my doctor agreed that it was the safest and wisest.
As if that wasn’t a hard choice in itself, it only presented even MORE decisions. The first decision is flat closure or reconstruction. It didn’t take me long to decide. I’m just not ready to go flat. I applaud the women who are confident and strong enough that they can do this. I however felt that I wouldn’t feel like myself without a reconstruction. So next step was to find a plastic surgeon and then pick the type of reconstruction I wanted. I was lucky enough to meet with a great plastic surgeon who was extremely knowledgeable and very compassionate. The good news is that reconstruction techniques have improved over the years, so I had multiple options. After lots of research, I picked the option with the shortest recovery time. And scheduled my mastectomy with immediate reconstruction for July 14th.
That gives me two months to emotionally and physically prepare for surgery. It also will give me a brief reprieve from the almost constant stream of appointments and procedures that have dominated my life for the last 6 months. One of my best friends, Becky, said it best. Her mom battled cancer and she learned first hand the toll it can take on your life. She said to me, “When you get a cancer diagnosis, you really get two cancers. The one that is in your body and the one that consumes your life.” People often ask me how I feel. Physically I feel fine, but emotionally I spend most days right on the edge of a break down. The stress, anxiety, and fatigue from sleepless nights can be overwhelming at times. No matter what I’m doing, the cancer is always in the back of my mind. I’m trying not to let it consume me and have made some lifestyle choices to help alleviate the stress and anxiety. The biggest change I’ve made is resigning from my job at Head of School at Grace Classical Academy. I’ve been able to focus on my health, physical and mental, and still have energy left for my family. Eating healthier, yoga and prayer has also helped me to stay mentally healthy.
So I have two months to “coast” before the uphill climb of the mastectomy. In that two months, I plan on enjoying every second. We have vacations planned and friends visiting, and I can’t wait. Before surgery I hope to get back to my blogging hobby and share some new content here and on my instagram @enjoy_life_inspired. After surgery, I will have about 4-6 weeks of recovery and possible future surgeries to “tweak” the reconstruction. But God willing, this will be the last surgery to remove the cancer and that gives me hope. I know that the end of this race is in front of me, and each day brings me closer to the finish line.
Thank you for all the comments, kind words, and prayers! Especially those of you who have had breast cancer and reached out to let me know that this will pass, and that mastectomies are not horrible. The overwhelming support I have felt has made me stronger. Many of you have commented about how hard it must be for me to “bare my soul”. It is actually therapeutic for me. I have always loved to write and it is how I best express myself. But more than that, I hope that it may help someone in the future so that they know that everything you are feeling is normal. And for all the ladies over 40… please get your mammograms. Even though my journey sucks, it could be worse. A mammogram found my cancer early, which means (as long as they don’t find anything invasive in the mastectomy) I won’t need chemo and essentially I should be cured once it’s all out of me. I’m going to live and every day I have with my family and friends is a blessing!
Our best to you in your journey. My neighbor had a double mastectomy 2 years ago and her posts were much the same as yours. She handled the journey with much grace as you are. If you ever want to discuss with someone who has recently been through it all, including chemo and radiation, please let me know. I know she would be a wonderful resource for you. 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏 for you.